By Nicole Ditzler
Editor's introduction: Nicole Ditzler is a member of the Minnesota Association
of Blind Students and has a powerful story to tell about her first experience
with the National Federation of the Blind. Here is what she has to say:
It was a Friday afternoon. My classes were over. My bags were packed. And
I had made certain to bring along with me the folding cane, which had been stuffed,
in my closet for nearly six months. I was about to fly to Washington D.C., the
farthest distance I had ever been from home, with Stacey Cervenka, a girl I
had met at the beginning of the school year. I had not thought much about where
I was going, or what I would encounter there for that matter. I had not taken
the time to think about this trip. But as we headed to the massive two gated
airport in Fargo, North Dakota, her confidence in traveling made me realize
that I was in for something I had never imagined when I decided to go on this
trip.
It was obvious to me that my first experience with other blind people would make a tremendous difference in my life. Our arrival that night sent out a clear message without a single word being uttered. As we approached the front desk and obtained our keys, I knew I was entering into a different world when the woman behind the desk handed mea Brailled card for a free dessert. My lack of experience with blindness turned my world upside down. Immediately I had to swallow my pride and allow someone to assist me-something I did not feel comfortable accepting. Throughout my trip to Washington, I found myself accepting assistance for the first time in my life. That night and the next day were completely overwhelming for me. I met many blind people who had competence in the alternative techniques of blindness. They impressed me with their ability to use Braille and travel confidently.
During the student seminar I had the opportunity to hear how they had successfully
adjusted to their blindness and it seemed that they were speaking directly to
me. I encountered people who were challenging me to be independent, to stand
up for my abilities and myself. I realized that the way I was living: lacking
travel skills; needing to learn Braille; and living fearfully every day were
things I needed to change. The speakers messages challenged me, but much more
challenging was the subway trip I took with my blind friends who had to lead
me most of the way, even though they had less sight than I. As a result of this
new experience with blindness, I realized some important things about myself.
First, I was scared to go with my friends and enjoy myself, not because I didn't
trust them, but because I didn't trust myself and my own skills as a blind person.
Secondly, I needed to accept myself as a blind person and accept the fact that
I could not see. Once accepting this limitation, I realized that I needed to
use my cane and trust my own ability to travel without assistance since I hated
relying on others. Lastly I learned I could do it. I watched these blind people
functioning independently and I wanted to be like them, and their examples showed
me that it was possible.
All of this learning and self realization did not come without a price. The
second night of the conference I talked with Joanne Wilson, bawling my eyes
out and pouring my heart out telling her my frustrations. Talking that night
offered me a new understanding of how to live as an independent blind person.
I was able to see that my feelings were valid and that I was not alone. After
sharing my feelings with her, I was able to come to an understanding of what
it would take for me to gain the independence that I witnessed in the people
I had met that weekend. As the weekend continued, I realized I would need to
adopt a more positive attitude, one that seemed to be surfacing on its own as
the weekend progressed. Furthermore, I began planning for the next steps to
take in order to become what I was meant to be - a fully independent and strong
woman, living life to her fullest without fear.
By the third day, I was gaining more confidence and learning to relax because
I realized that I was moving in the right direction. Through this continuing
experience with independent blind people, my spirits lifted and I started to
have fun. I knew I had found a home, and I resolved within myself to become
more active In the NFB and the National Association of Blind Students. I realized
what I had been missing for so many years, and I strongly desired a more active
social life. These feelings were confirmed when I sat next to Thomas Philip
on the flight home, and he talked with me at length about the Federation philosophy
and how it had changed his life.
After talking with Thomas On the flight home, I decided to talk with my fiancé
about my new perspective of blindness and begin to teach my college friends
the real message of blindness. In addition to these decisions, I also thought
about the impact of the weekend's experiences and the dynamic people I had met.
In truth, I did not fully understand the importance of affiliating with the
NFB while I was attending the conference. After I returned home and put the
things I had learned into action, or even now, I believe that understanding
and fully recognizing the importance of this community of people is a lifelong
task. In one weekend I made friends who allowed me to express my frustrations
and offer sound advice that would change my life for many years to come. Since
leaving the conference, I have communicated with these newfound friends who
continue to mentor me and give me the strength I need to achieve my goals. What
I do understand is that having a community of fellow blind people around me
has given and will continue to give me, a strong base with which to face and
embrace life as a blind person. It gives me encouragement to face hardships,
which undoubtedly may be more difficult for us than for others, wisdom to realize
that while those things are more difficult, they are never impossible, and the
strength to pursue the passions we hold.
The most powerful memory I have of the Washington Seminar was meeting a young
boy, no more than six years old, attending the conference with his father. Seeing
that young boy, as a twenty year old woman finally coming to terms with my own
blindness, in one moment summed up the importance of involvement in a blind
community. That boy will grow up with the knowledge that he is capable of everything
his peers are, that he has the right to, and that he will thrive throughout
life with a community of blind people who are role models. I am thankful to
have found that same community and to have been accepted as a part of it. The
impact it had on my life was priceless, setting so many things into motion,
and pushing me to a greater freedom and quality of life.
My ability was augmented that weekend, by the mere change in attitude that
occurred while I was there. A few weeks later, I was forced to admit that The
NFB has in part given me the strength to change the way I live. While I do not
have all the skills I need, and while I am still scared of many things, I am
facing them one at a time. My ability to discern the things I need to do and
the wisdom to recognize how to do them increases daily with the help of those
who have shared their thoughts, goals, and accomplishments with me. Before Washington
Seminar, my friend Stacy told me that in a short time I would gain a family
I never knew I had, and she was right. As I returned to Fargo and jumped into
college life again, I realized that I have a new home, a new family full of
support, love, and encouragement. And as with every good family, every once
in a while I now have someone to whip me back into shape when I'm getting out
of line or allowing myself to settle for less than I am capable of doing. Now,
before someone tries to take me up on that whipping into shape part, the folding
cane I used in Washington Seminar has been retired and I have been faithfully
using the rigid cane I purchased that weekend.